Why I blog

In a nutshell, here’s why I started this blog: INTPs are very rare (1-3% of the population). INTP women are even more rare. INTP women who are married or have found their life partner are even more rare. (I suspect that, due to our unique characteristics, INTPs have the lowest rates of coupling among all the Myers-Briggs types.) And INTP women who have or want to have children are even more rare.

When I became a mom, I quickly realized that in the vast world of mom blogs, there was not one that spoke to me. I was tired of reading about boring mom crap like crafts and diaper bags and accepting your post-baby body. On the other hand, there also weren’t any parenting voices in the INTP world. All of the INTP blogs I’d read were written from a solitary place, and those that wrote about relationships were usually not about living in a fulfilling marriage and raising a family.

Being a stay-at-home mom and an INTP seems like an oxymoron because the worlds are so far apart that they don’t really have anything in common. So I’m here to write about mom stuff that INTPs care about, and INTP stuff through the lens of being a mom (and wife).

Going forward, my goal is to publish at least one post a week. I plan to blog about all of my various interests (science, art, hiking, books, Myers-Briggs, general philosophizing) as well as marriage and motherhood– anything that catches my mind as an INTP mom that I think someone else might be interested in.

I’ll write about things in my personal life as long as they might be interesting to other people or allow me to address universal topics. But you will never see gratuitous baby updates because I know that nobody outside of our family cares how many teeth AJ has, how she eats sandwiches, or what her favorite bath toy is. (If you do happen to care about that stuff, we have a separate blog for baby updates. Email me for the link if you’re interested.) Here are some other things you will never read about on my blog: crafting, anything DIY, fashion, baby gear and clothing, recipes, etc.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, and if there’s anything else you’d like to see me blog about.

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3 thoughts on “Why I blog”

  1. Oh my gosh. Hello. I just started my blog a few weeks ago so I’m still in the process of introduction/exploration, but I have a draft about being an INTP woman (first of many I’m sure) that I’ve been working on. My plan was to finish it today and get it published and low and behold, I wake up to the softest hello from another INTP mom. I was wondering where the others were – Alaska, of course! Anyway, hello. I’m glad you’re out there. I look forward to reading your blog.

  2. “Here are some other things you will never read about on my blog: crafting, anything DIY, fashion, baby gear and clothing, recipes, etc.”

    Thank you, thank you for writing this. I am an INTP woman, and my partner and I found out we were expecting a couple of months ago. Only just now am I starting to feel a bit of excitement. Mostly I just felt dread and wanted to feel like myself again, physically and emotionally. When I turned to the internet for advice, I found an endless stream of information on the above topics, none of which interested me in the slightest. I was suddenly aware of the immense social pressure to conform to gender stereotypes. (Perhaps the social pressure was always there, and I was just oblivious to it. But it does seem like there is much more pressure to act a particular way when it comes to motherhood).

    I am not planning to be a SAHM, but here are a few things I worry about. You may have already addressed some of them (I haven’t read all of your posts yet). If not, I would love to hear your perspective:

    – My partner will resent me because he will have to shoulder more than his fair share of administrative tasks (otherwise, they simply won’t get done).
    – I may resent or neglect my child because I won’t have as much alone time as I am accustomed to.
    – I will be lost in thought and leave my baby locked in the backseat of a hot car.
    – It will be difficult to connect with an infant. I think my friends’ babies are cute, and I love entertaining them with funny faces, but I’m not sure I could do that ALL day. When I’ve imagined myself with kids of my own, I’ve always pictured myself having intellectual conversations with children of at least 5 or 6. Not sure how I’d fare with babies.
    – It will be difficult to connect with other parents. I don’t think I could ever join one of these mommy groups. What if I am expected to come up with an arts-and-crafts project or bake pinterest-worthy cupcakes? I HATE crafts. I love art, but arts-and-crafts is not art, but rather a pointless waste of time. And cupcakes taste just as delicious even if they are misshapen and the icing is unevenly applied. Guess I’ll just stick with my current friends, but it would be nice to have some parent friends too.

    I know you wrote this post awhile ago. I hope you are still writing. Any advice–from anyone out there–is much appreciated.

    1. Hi, sorry it took so long for me to reply! First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! I can totally relate to all of your worries. I still have nightmares about forgetting my daughter in the car or forgetting to feed her, and I do mental checks whenever I’m alone without her– I think, “okay, I’m in the car without her. She’s at preschool. Yes, that’s where she’s supposed to be, and I’m going to pick her up at X time. I didn’t forget her.” But my daughter is so loud and such a huge talker that it would be impossible to forget her. Whenever she’s playing in a different room and I hear silence for more than a minute, I have to check up on her because silence means something must be wrong.

      Before I had kids, I never knew how to talk to kids under the age of 10 at all. I never liked holding babies, and I still don’t like babies other than my own. But this was the one thing that really became instinctual when my daughter was born. I was cooing at her and having one-sided conversations with her as a newborn like nobody’s business. Now that she’s a toddler she can have actual conversations, which is great. I still have trouble knowing what to say to other kids her age, but interacting with her is never a problem because I know her so well.

      I don’t think having parent friends is necessary. I’ve given up on trying to make friends with other parents. I have absolutely no interest in crafts, cooking, or even talking about kids and parenting. I have 1 or 2 casual friends I see occasionally who are also parents, and I only hang out with them because they prefer to talk about science and books over anything parenting-related. In the beginning, I spent way too long going to moms’ groups and trying to belong with the Pinterest-y type moms, and it just caused a ton of frustration and was a waste of time. Spare yourself.

      You probably will resent your child because you won’t have alone time. I do sometimes, and that’s okay. My daughter is extremely gregarious and talkative, and loves climbing all over me, so it’s not even the lack of time alone that bothers me, but the lack of silence and the freedom to not talk about whatever my child wants to talk about at any given moment. This is something I just have to suck up and accept as a fact of life. My husband and I try to relieve each other of child duties so we can take turns having a break, but that doesn’t happen often because there are so many other things we have to fit into each week. You just end up increasing your tolerance to noise and not being alone, and appreciate more whatever child-free time you have.

      As for resentment from your partner about household tasks, that will definitely happen, and I think it can be the worse part of new parenthood. I really had to drill into my husband, many times, the harsh reality that he has to do a lot more around the house than he was accustomed to. I had to make him understand that no matter how tired he was, it was worse for me because of what my body was going through after having a baby and breastfeeding. Expect to have a LOT of conversations about it. Having an equal partnership can really make or break the whole parenting/family experience.

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